Health and Insurance

Button’s Massage

Those of you following our journey will remember from my previous posts that we had been reading about infant massage as a way to foster bonding and attachment. We heard a lot of positive things about the power of touch and everything we read really compelled us to try infant massage.

I would like to immediately go on the record saying, “Toddler massage is not infant massage!” Button was 18-months-old when we met him and getting him to sit still (even when exhausted) was a feat of miraculous powers so the massage seemed as if it could never happen. The infant massage book calls for these long sessions with the child prone on their back, gazing up into your eyes, totally relaxed at your touch. Yeah right, my poor kid hasn’t been relaxed since he met us (don’t blame him) and he never lays down until he passes out. But we really did feel that if anyone ever needed to relax and feel calmly loved, if only for 2 minutes, it was our over-excited, traumatized toddler so we persisted.

Every night before bed, after his final diaper change, when he is just in his nappy, we lay out a soft towel on the floor of his nursery, put on a lullaby cd, and let him sit between the two of us while we put lotion on our hands and rub it all over his body. At first it was like wrestling an eel into a garbage sack. He would scream as if we were hurting him and use all his rather considerable muscle to get away. We would quickly finish slathering him and let him get up. Then one day as he was crawling viciously away from me, I was rubbing his legs and I moved onto his feet to keep hold of him and he started making almost a moo-ing noise and quit moving. That was the first positive sign of physical contact during the massage. After that we started and ended with long sessions on his feet.

Tonight when we went upstairs to change his diaper and get the “going to bed” routine started he grabbed his lotion off the low shelf and sat down in the middle of the floor and started pretending to rub it on himself. When Brian and I went and sat next to him he pretended to rub our legs. We have a lot of road left to tread with massage (and all of the techniques we are working with) but I am really glad we didn’t give up. He still won’t lay down and let us massage him and the massage never lasts past 85 seconds but each second is pure happiness for all 3 of us and it always ends with a kiss. WORTH THE EFFORT!

–Rosemary

Bathtime

Learning how to parent a child who already has a catalogue of likes and dislikes, fears and a personal history with the world is an interesting task. Ever since we took custody of Button in BKK bathtime has been an absolute nightmare. Button, who is not afraid of anything, (dangerously unafraid in fact) has been terrified of the bath. We tried everything. Still the screams persisted.

Finally, we decided to use the inflatable tub recommended by my friend Terri on her adoption blog. Peace reigned in the bathroom. Now Button loves his evening bath!! We don’t know what made the bath so scary. We never even ran the faucet while he was in the room but maybe he just felt lost in such a big sea of water. After all, his prior experience with baths was being sponged off in a large bucket so I can see how this was pretty different.

–Rosemary

Easter

Button’s first Easter was lovely! We had a wonderful weekend. Brian actually had the weekend off and Sunday was my parent’s last day in town so we really enjoyed ourselves. We didn’t try to go to church because we knew Button couldn’t possibly sit through a service yet and we didn’t want to leave him in the church nursery. We just feel it’s too soon for that kind of separation. So my mom planned a super cute Easter egg hunt in the backyard and made him his very own Easter basket. He had a blast with all the goodies and the grown-ups had just as much fun watching him figure it all out. Afterward, we ate a delicious brunch at one of our favorite places here in town and still made it home for an effort at naptime.

Hoping you had a wonderful weekend wherever you may be,

–Rosemary

The Journey Home

There is no way I can describe a 24-hour, 3-plane-change journey with a newly adopted child. No one can convey that experience via the written word. It’s simply not possible. What I will say is that if there were any other way to bring Button into our life I would have done it. I would have paid any amount of money (were it ours) not to have had to do that. It was the most unpleasant experience of my life and I am not a wimp. I once made the trip home from Thailand with typhoid fever. This was worse. Much worse.

Button was actually pretty good, all things considered. He is always pretty good. He is a great kid! We took the non-stop flight BKK to LAX which left at 6:30pm so by the time they finished the dinner service he was exhausted and ready for sleep. We were super lucky to be on a 1/2 full flight. The angels sang!! The seat between us was empty and since we were already in the bulkhead we were able to lay Button on the floor in front of our feet and he slept for about 6 hours straight. AMAZING! Travel tip: even if you suspect that your child is too big or won’t use the bassinet service offered by almost all airlines go ahead and order it anyway because it will ensure you a bulkhead row. Your child must be 2 yr’s or under to use the bassinet on most airlines so we just squeaked by and, of course, Button was way too big but the bulkhead row is soooooo worth it! Another travel tip: don’t make the mistake of ordering the “baby meal” on Thai airlines if traveling with a toddler. It is jars of baby food so if your kid is a big eater like Button then Mommy will go hungry all the way across the pacific.

Once Button woke up though… we still had 5 hours left to go and he was mad! We walked the aisles, we played with every toy in the bag (and we brought a bunch), the stewardess brought a Thai airlines goody bag, he played peek-a-boo with the lady across the row. Still time crawled by. It. Just. Crawled. Then just as they put on the seatbelt light for descent into LAX Button had a massive diaper blow out so severe it was bubbling up the back of his pant’s waistband and the attendant wouldn’t let me change him.

After a layover in LAX we still had to face down a 7 hr. red-eye to the east coast. When Button saw we were boarding another plane I think he went a little crazy but fortunately we had pleasant seat companions on the completely full flight and Button slept at least half way there. The rest of the way he screamed and threw toys. It was mind-boggling. We arrived in D.C. at dawn, ate breakfast and played chase and hide-and-go-seek with Button at a deserted gate while waiting 2 more hours for our shuttle flight home.

Was it worth it? Of course! What a ridiculous question. There isn’t anything on earth that isn’t “worth it” in order to be a family and be with our son. What advice would I give to traveling families? Prepare for the worst; leave optimism at home; take more toys, snacks and diapers than you imagine ever needing. Just in case this post is too bleak for some folks I’ve included a few of my favorite pics from our journey home as a bit of a cheer up.

–Rosemary

Finally time to write!

I realize it has been weeks since I blogged but I’ve hardly been able to remember my own name so writing was out of the question. However, my mom is with Button now so I have a little time for blogging. I do intend to work backwards and fill in the blanks about our time in Thailand. I want to be able to have a clear written memory for our records and I also know from personal experience that some pre-adoptive families out there may be following this blog carefully as they prepare for their own journey.

Let me just say for today that we are doing fine. Button is adjusting better than anyone could possibly have hoped given the trauma that all of these children go through. Many experts believe that toddler adoption is the most difficult kind of adoption and I can understand why. The child is old enough to know that something “wrong” has happened but not nearly old enough to understand any of the explanations.

Button is an extremely active, strong willed, happy 19-month old little boy. He loves to play outside, throw the ball, go for a walk, be read to and imitate most anything we are doing. He is very smart (of course) and he is already saying 7 or 8 words in English including pointing at the door and saying, “A WALK”. He also does a huge variety of incredibly cute things that I will try not to bore you with.

In the interest of not sugar coating this process that is adoption, allow me to also share some of the difficulties. He will make absolutely no efforts what-so-ever at directly addressing either one of us. Sometimes he will even hit us in the face to get our attention but he won’t say “Mommy or Daddy”. This is a typical part of grieving and it is important that he hold us away from his heart as long as he needs to. It took 10 full days for him to recover from jetlag but now that he is better he refuses to nap during the day. Adoption trauma aside, he is fully enmeshed in the terrible-two’s, and feeling the need to sow some oats. He can climb into ANYTHING. He does hit and bite and pinch when he is upset, which is frequent.

All that being said, we love Button so very, very, very much and we are thrilled and overjoyed that he, and no one else, is our son. He is the absolutely exact right child for our little family that was two and now is three.

–Rosemary

Home at last!

We finally arrived home with Button this morning after the following itinerary: 14 hour flight from Bangkok to LAX, 4 hour layover, 6 hour flight from LAX to Washington Dulles, 2 hour layover, 30 minute flight home to Virginia. Whew! I get exhausted just writing it! But we’re home, my mom (the Duchess) is here helping in so many wonderful ways, and we’re all just trying to deal with our jetlag, which is atrocious. Can’t wait to post more about our trip and about our new lives as Button’s parents here in our own little house! Never really seemed like this day would get here, but all of a sudden, here it is. Thanks all for your interest and prayers and advice and help during our planning and travels. Will write more soon, but just wanted to let everyone know we were home safe and sound.

-Brian

More pictures

We’re back in Bangkok after a long weekend in cool (relatively) north of Thailand with our friends at House of Grace. It was very nice to be out of Bangkok for a few days, and Button loved being surrounded by kids and loving Thai people. Of course, I’m not posting those pictures right now (too frazzled to make cogent blog postings!) Here are some pictures from our DSDW meeting and our day at the zoo. Quick paperwork update for those who have known that we’ve been having problems: we have our visa interview tomorrow morning at the US embassy, and will hopefully be leaving Thailand Thursday night. Not too bad! More soon.

-Brian

You take the good, you take the bad…

So we have had a really stressful introduction to family life. We feel so BAD for Button because his transition to our family was always going to be full of loss (no way around that) but no one could have predicted it would be this uncomfortable. Brian got sick first. The day they brought Button to be a permanent part of our family (his goodbye day with his “Yai and Pa”) Brian was virtually unavailable he was so sick. So there we were. Mommy and Button. Yes, that is correct, my body was a human shield for his laser beams of hatred. Brian would appear occasionally.

The next day we had to go to the DSDW meeting to officially receive his paperwork and become his parents. I started running a fever that day but one cannot miss the DSDW meeting so I carry on.

The third day Brian is feeling fully recovered and I continue to feel rotten but what can be done? We have a kid to take care of and that kid is completely miserable anytime we are in the hotel room. He’s no fool. He recognizes this as the site of all his loss. He needs constant distraction from his total misery e.g. “Where is my Yai?” So we decide to go to the Bangkok Zoo. It’s a lovely place and I highly recommend it if you are coming here with your own unhappy adoptee. We had a very nice morning looking at animals and eating popsicles at the goat pen. Button is especially pleased with the giraffes. Then it is lunch time so Brian goes to hunt for food and I take Button to change his diaper and wash hands for eating. Button looks at me calmly and throws up on his clothes. Then while I am cleaning that up he throws up on me. Then while I am cleaning that up he throws up on the wipes. Yes, that is 3 projectile vomits in a row. We finally find Brian and go back to the hotel immediately. Button throws up in the Taxi. #4! The taxi driver yells at us all the way back to the Pantip Court. I give him an enormous tip and run upstairs.

At the present time, I am no longer running a fever but existing on applejuice and rice. Button still has a fever but is keeping food down for about 24 hours now. Hoping and praying the kiddo feels better soon!
–Rosemary

All about Button

So it takes a while to amass any sort of knowledge about your child but we are working hard to learn what we can as fast as we can. Here’s what we think we know so far:

Button is clearly a leftie. He has full use of his right side (you can bet we checked) but throws and kicks and uses his spoon with his left hand almost exclusively. I am delighted to see this because left handed people rank as highly creative. Brian is delighted because left handed players are highly desired pitchers.

He is addicted to his bottle. Both emotionally and physically. He is drinking 8 8 oz bottles of fortified formula a day. Ummm…yeah. He hardly eats a bite of solid food because he is constantly full of liquid fats. We are trying to figure out what to do about that because he is way too old for formula. He carries the bottles (2- 1 for water and 1 for milk) around with him always. He keeps them holstered under his armpits when he uses his hands for things. It’s actually kind of cute but a habit that eventually we hope he will be able to part with. Like in time for school.

He has already said his first english word. This morning playing soccer with Mommy and Daddy he pointed at the ball and said “Ball” then kicked it. We are duly impressed. His Thai vocabulary that we’ve identified so far is mostly “Eat” “Hungry” “GO” “Car” “Grandmother” and “Cat”.

He loves cars, trucks and motorcycles more than anything on earth. He makes “vroom” noises when he sees them and he loves to ride in taxis and look out the windows at passing cars.

He doesn’t like chicken but loves congee and fruit.

He is crazy about Daddy and prefers him in every way. He likes me and will certainly allow me to hold him, feed him, take him on walks, play with him, etc… But if Brian is available he really wants it to be DAD! His foster parents said that he called her “grandmother” and him “daddy” and that he was a real Daddy’s boy there too so we don’t know if he’s just kind of wired that way or if he is working through some missing of his “Yai” who he calls for frequently. It will be interesting to see how it plays out but for now I love watching Brian and Button together. They are soooo cute and Brian is an AMAZING dad!

–Rosemary

Button’s village

These are a few pictures from Monday afternoon with Button’s foster family. The older couple are his foster parents. The other people pictured are their family, who live in the same village with them. Button has definitely been raised up to this point with an “it takes a village” viewpoint! We are so grateful for all their love and care for him.

-Brian