Health and Insurance

Recently someone asked us if we were going to rename our blog after Button came home.
We were surprised by the question because we carefully named this blog (long before we knew who Button was) so we wouldn’t have to rename it once we had met our child. When we picked out the name, we were looking for something that would speak to the constant issues of family (and adoptive families) without seeming to just end at a court date that made us legal parents. So we chose “Becoming a Family”.

In our minds, we are “Becoming A Family” forever. We were becoming a family in the moment of our first kiss, the second we realized we were in love, when we took marriage vows, when we decided to move to New York City and when we decided to move away, when we fight over loading the dishwasher “the wrong way”, when we take turns emptying the cat box, when we make dinner for each other, when we face down pure terror over our child’s health, when we celebrate Valentine’s day.

We are becoming a family every moment of every day. It is a constantly evolving reality that we are thrilled to add children to. This family that we are creating together will never be finished and it will never be perfect because perfection is never the goal. Becoming a family, whatever shape that may take, is our life’s work.

–Brian and Rosemary

As all of us expectant Mom’s know THE DIAPER BAG is this looming, choice on the already littered path of choices to be made en route to mommy-dom. Along with the nursery decor, the baby furniture, crib bedding, child proofing, strollers, and a million other big and small selections I didn’t mention.

Why does the diaper bag feel like such a big deal then? Short answer: I don’t know; I’ve never had one before. Long Answer: I’ve asked all my mom friends and the consensus seems to be “Because we have to carry it around with us for the next 2-5 years and it has the potential, if chosen poorly, to make us feel like a pack mule.”

Now I am not a fashion-diva. Blue jeans and Converse are more my natural habitat. But even I draw the line at being seen with a giant Winnie the Pooh carryall slung over my shoulder until 2013. So what’s a girl to do? Call up the Duchess and beg for a fabulous, all-terrain, sophisticated diaper bag for Christmas!
Ta-da!! The MZ Wallace “Kate” bag. It’s so magnificent I can hardly stand it! I love it – really truly love it – more than I can say. Plus, it has all the goo-gaws that a diaper bag should have: 2 exterior bottle pockets, diaper changing pad, attachable shoulder strap, detachable market purse, 10 interior pockets and it’s water and stain resistant!

So much love to, the Duchess, the world’s best mother-in-law,
-Rosemary

So this Wednesday instead of posting a book review I am posting a blog link. I know that some of you are starting to think I have ceased to read but I promise this isn’t true. In fact, I have a stack of excellent books I just need to write the reviews for but a bloggy friend of mine has written such a fantastic post that I can’t help but spread a little linky-love.

Tonggu Momma over at Our Little Tongginator has written a fantastic essay about her effort to validate her young daughter’s feelings about adoption and at the same time place parental limits on normal, every-kid-does-it, childhood manipulation.

I was very moved by her wisdom, parental love, confidence in facing all things adoption and clear decision making in the face of a very SMART 5 year old. I hope you guys will enjoy her wit as much as I did. You can find this particular post, “Playing the Adoption Card” at: Grown In My Heart where Tonggu Momma also occasionally blogs.

Happy Reading,
–Rosemary

So for no particular reason except that it’s mid January, and everyone needs a little chuckle, here’s a clip from one of our favorite new sitcoms “Modern Family”.

We loved this bit because it is so reminiscent of us…well that is if Brian were a gay man and I (Rosemary) were a morbidly obese giantess but you get my drift. The personality dynamic is pretty similar though. Just in case any of you are wondering, we would never ever “Furburize” Button – but if we attempted it – this is surely how it would go! 😉

— Brian and Rosemary

So just for fun (and because I totally don’t feel like doing a book review) this Wednesday I am doing the Jingle Bells Christmas Meme that is going around.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper. But now I am using a cute “eco-conscious” painted newspaper idea. It’s very retro 40’s looking when it’s all done and it does a little bit to save the earth.
2. Real tree or artificial? REAL! Love that smell.
3. When do you put up the tree? The long weekend after Thanksgiving we decorate the whole house.
4. When do you take the tree down? The first full weekend after News Years Eve.
5. Egg nog, cider, or hot chocolate? Cider!
6. Favorite gift received as a child? A Cabbage Patch Doll with long, silky RED hair that could be brushed and styled. She was fabulous.
7. Hardest person to buy for? My mother-in-law. She has wonderful style in everything and I don’t want to dissapoint her.
8. Easiest person to buy for? My brother.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? No, not yet, I haven’t been a grown-up that long and I am still collecting decorations.
10. Mail Christmas cards? Yes, this is the first year I have missed doing them since I turned 18. I just couldn’t get it together.
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? A doll with no head and 3 arms. She was a manufacturing mistake. My brother glued the third arm into her neck and sat her on the porch next to our pumpkin when Halloween rolled around.
12. Favorite classic Christmas movie? Christmas in Connecticut starring Barbara Stanwyck
13. Favorite new Christmas movie? Scrooged with Bill Murray.
14. When do you start shopping? Usually I am done by Thanksgiving. This year I have barely started.
15. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I would never re-gift a present YOU gave me and that’s all that matters!
16. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Mashed potatoes.
17. White lights or colored? I like the great big, fat, classic multi-colored bulbs.
18. Favorite religious Christmas song? “Oh Holy Night”
19. Favorite holiday song? “Merry Christmas From the Family” by Robert Earle Keene (so amusing)
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? We always go to see one of our families – we switch back and forth every year so we have to do A LOT of flying.
19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Not even close. Rudolph, Blitzen, Vixen, Prancer, Jerry…
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Neither. When we first got married we didn’t have any decorations and no money to buy any. Fortunately, my amazing Aunt Eve made us a batch of handpainted star ornaments. So we went and got this Charlie Brown tree that the lot gave us for about $15 and put the little stars on it and then I bought a santa hat at the CVS and we put that on top of the tree. So now that is our family tradition. We always top our tree with a funny little Santa hat. It actually looks very whimsical and cute!
21. Open presents Christmas Eve or morning? Only 1 present on Christmas Eve after the candlelight service – we must wait to open the rest on Christmas morning.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Travel. I’m already dreading doing it next year with a toddler in tow.
24. Ham or Turkey? We experiment with all kinds of unusual and yummy stuff for our big meal. The only tradition is to spend the day in the kitchen cooking great food that we’ll enjoy eating.
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? A fantastic diaper bag that looks like a sophistocated carry-all but still has all those needed pockets and goo-gaws.
26. Do you do Santa? We are planning on having Santa fun with Button.
27. Do you love or hate snow? I hate weather that is cold enough to create snow. I have no issue with snow itself though.
28. What is your favorite holiday memory? Staying up super late the night before Christmas with my kid sister. Laying in bed practically shivering with anticipation. We would tell each other stories and braid hair and sing songs: anything we could do to entertain ourselves until we finally fell asleep waiting for “Christmas Morning” to finally arrive.
29. How do you decorate your tree? We do stars of every kind all over our big living room tree. Next year I am going to start a Santa ornament tree in the dining room with Santa’s of every race and cultural costume.
30. Poinsettas or holly? Holly! I heard that Poinsettas are poisonous to cats and Gilbert eats everything so that doesn’t work for us.

Merry Christmas!
-Rosemary

June 2007 – Two and a half years ago Brian and I started talking and praying about adoption. We started having very long discussions about domestic vs. international. We began to discover, read and cry over every type of blog we could find from members of the adoption triad. We bought books about adoption. We tried to decide if this new reality was right for us because we could see so clearly that adoption was not what we had originally thought. We gave thanks for brave people who told the truth. We prayed through to a new place of acceptance and felt that an open and honest adoptive family could be the right choice for us.

January 2008 – We officially started our adoption process twenty-three months ago. I so clearly remember mailing our application to the Thai Program at far away Holt International in Eugene, Oregon. I felt as though I were placing all my dreams into a tiny boat made of leaves and watching it sail away on the ocean. That envelope seemed so very, very rickety.

February 2008 – We started the homestudy from hell and eight months later and three social workers later we were finally in posession of a completed homestudy.

September 2008 – We FINALLY mailed our dossier. I cried myself to sleep the night Marissa called to say we were officially placed on the Thai waiting list for a child. I was just so tired.

July 2009 – We moved to Virginia and as we were driving to our new home I received a phone call from Marissa about a little boy with “special circumstances”. We were not due to receive a match for another 6 months. I nearly hyperventilated. I knew that he was our son from the second I heard his story.

December 2009 – Waiting for a travel call. I still have no idea how we got here. It seems impossible that our little boat floated this far. It seems even crazier to think that it will bring Button all the way home but I know that it will. I know that it will.

We’re not huge fans of the TV (we don’t even own one) but the fact is that every parent (and kid) needs a break. Plus, media really does offer some fantastic opportunities for kids (and parents) to relax, and even learn something. The problem, at least for me, is choosing our media opportunities wisely. Even though we haven’t brought Button home yet I am always on the look-out for DVD’s and shows we can stream that I will feel comfortable letting Button watch every once in a while when I am truly in need of a few minutes to myself.

Several weeks ago, fellow adoptive mom, Bridget mentioned on her blog that her constantly adorable son Andrew loved a show called Dinosaur Train that aired on PBS. Since Bridget is a very wise woman with a constantly adorable son there was nothing I could do but check it out. This is what I found on the PBS website:

“DINOSAUR TRAIN embraces and celebrates the fascination that preschoolers have with both dinosaurs and trains. The series encourages basic scientific thinking skills as the audience learns about life science, natural history and paleontology. Each of the 40 half-hour episodes features Buddy, an adorable preschool age Tyrannosaurus Rex, and his adoptive Pteranodon family as they board the DINOSAUR TRAIN and embark on whimsical voyages through prehistoric jungles, swamps, volcanoes and oceans. The episodes include two 11-minute animated stories, along with brief live action segments hosted by renowned paleontologist Dr. Scott Sampson, that unearth basic concepts in life science, natural history and paleontology.”

Um…hello? Paleontology, trains, and a positive representation of an adoptive family?
“Why yes, Button, you may watch some Dinosaur Train!”

–Rosemary

“A Christmas candle is a lovely thing. It makes no noise at all. But softly gives itself away.”
~Eva Logue

My fantastic friend Mickey, who is expecting her first child, recently sent me this book and I love it! Even though it isn’t about adoption (at all) I decided to review it this Wednesday because I think it is important to occasionally take a break from all the attachment and bonding stuff and remember that we also need to learn about the regular everyday stuff required to keep a toddler alive and keep his parents sane.

My Mother Wears Combat Boots is a really fun book about a young couple’s adventure through first time parenthood. Jessica Mills, author and mommy, talks about the trials of parenting isolation, heartbreak and finances with a great deal of honesty and humor.

Since this is not, in any way, designed for the adoptive family, I feel that I should warn you that there is a lot of pregnancy, breastfeeding and post-natal talk in this book. If you are sensitive to those subjects or have sustained a lot of emotional loss surrounding the idea of not sharing those moments with your child then this may not be the book for you. I just skipped portions that I didn’t feel like reading. She had so many fantastic chapters on subjects I am really interested in like co-sleeping, organic nutrition, and loving discipline that I found the book well worth it!

Happy reading!
–Rosemary

Last night I dreamed that Button came home. It was very odd because he was being delivered to us and we were not going to Thailand. The thing that was completely right though was how excited I felt! My dear friend and, once-upon-a-time-roommate, Tiffany was there with Brian and me and the three of us walked out onto the front lawn to wait for Button. I was so nervous and overwhelmed I thought I would die. We had my parents on speaker phone because they wanted to hear the whole thing since they weren’t there and my mom kept screaming into the phone, “Is he there yet? Can you see him?”

Finally this hilarious, extremely tiny, 3 wheeled truck (like the kind they use in Europe) came racing around the corner going about 90 mph. The truck was completely covered with huge blue and pink fabric ribbons that were billowing in the wind like sails. I turned to Tiff and said, “My God, the good truck lollypop is delivering our baby.” My mother was screaming through the phone, “Lollypop? Lollypop? Can you see Button? What’s going on?” The tiny be-ribboned truck screached to a halt right in front of us and I dropped the phone and stared through the passenger side window at a beautiful little boy looking back at me solemnly.

I woke up sitting straight up in my bed at 4:30am with my heart pounding out of my chest about to die of excitement. The good feeling has lasted all morning. I think it was an omen. A happy omen. I truly believe my son is coming home soon.

–Rosemary